Milf Hunter / TeensForCash / Backseat Bangers / GangBangSquad / HerFirstBigCock / Free Trial Porn / iFriends
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Milf Hunter / TeensForCash / Backseat Bangers / GangBangSquad / HerFirstBigCock / Free Trial Porn / iFriends |
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The Kid RocksIn a move that has shocked the world, jock rocker Kid Rock and cock flopper Tommy Lee have set aside their differences, and become inseparable friends once again. If you recall, the 2 were once buddies who had partied together on several occasions, and shared many things in common…including the one thing that turned the two friends into enemies: Both men put their wieners inside of the blonde bimbo with hepatitis and a plastic vagina, named Pamela Anderson. On June 29th, the king of white trash, Kid Rock, decided to leave his Baywatch bimbo and move on to “bigger and better things”. It’s believed that Rock left Pamela because life with her was becoming too slow paced for his tastes. Allegedly, this is due to the fact that she’s got a child to raise, a disease that makes her defecate more than a normal person would, and poofy hair that she spends the majority of her days styling, just to give it that “just out of bed” look. Rock made a statement to reporters on Saturday saying “I still have strong feelings for Pamela and she has a pussy to die for, but Tommy Lee has an extra 9 inches of skin to play with and his asshole almost looks like a vagina!”. While Rock is giving up a piece of ass that anybody would die for, it’s safe to say that Tommy’s bedroom sex swing will more than make up for it. The paparazzi has yet to snap pictures of the 2 frolicking in the bedroom, but the public should be in for a real treat in the months to come. This is because it’s been announced that the two white trash rockers will introduce an adult video series to the world titled “The Cocks of Rock”. Cocks of Rock is rumored to be a series chronicling “in the closet” rock stars’ backstage shenanigans with other males…all captured by hidden cameras on bugged male groupies! This adult film series is attempting to ride on the success of such films as “Backstage Sluts” and Snoop Dogg’s “Doggystyle”. Filming is in progress, and while it has not been announced, it’s rumored that it will feature rock-star closet cases such as Fred Durst, the guys of Linkin Park, Jonathan Davis of Korn, and of course some backstage sessions involving the 2 hosts of the show, Kid Rock and Tommy Lee! While it’s not known what the future holds in store for these two, it’s safe to say that their closet door has finally opened, and it’s all because of a gorgeous piece of ass who has calmed down a little too much for her own good. While you might think it impossible for a woman such as Pam Anderson to turn a perfectly hetero-male into a complete homo, you have been proven wrong!
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Have you ever wondered why pre-marital sexual intercourse generally involves a male putting a latex sleeve over his boner, while they woman just lies there with her legs spread bitching about the time it takes you to put the condom on? Have you ever put on a condom and it fits so tightly that your veins feel like they are about to burst, and in turn your penis goes as limp as a soggy green bean? Have you ever slipped the jimmy on and boned for 35 minutes, and taken the little bastard off only to find a rash on your dick so hideous that it makes Whoopi Goldberg look like a Victoria’s Secret model? Has a condom ever been so big that it has slipped off your penis in mid-sex and lodged itself into your fat girlfriend’s vagina? Have you ever used one trusting it to stay in one piece, only to have it rip and cause a baby to grow in that one night stand’s belly?
If you’ve answered yes to any of these questions, you’ll be able to relate to this little poem written by myself. You’ll especially relate if you’ve had a problem keeping a woody after putting one of these little covers on! If it’s happened to you while in bed with a woman you love or at least want to fuck on a consistent basis, you know that if you can’t keep it goin, you’ve got to please your woman by going downtown! For all of you who have been in my shoes, I wrote a little ditty I’d like to call Slimy Sandi!
My slimy condom Sandi, is not a friend of mine
I put her on my penis, and nothing was quite fine
A minute or 2 before, I was hard as a fucking rock
When the ring around my penis squeezed, I went as flaccid as a sock
The lube began to drip down my shaft, and made my pole feel sick
I wish there would’ve been a way to have kept her off my dick.
The next time Sandi comes around, I'll give her 1 more shot
If I ever want to engage in sex, she's the only chance I've got
Sandi engorges my boner with hate, and takes away the feel
I ought to just move my head down on the girl, and give my face a meal.
Some of you might just laugh at me, while others can relate
after all is said and done, all that's left is to fellate.
Mary-Kate and Ashley, the twins the world is dying to see in Playboy have finally hit the big 16! What does this mean? It means that you can legally copulate with these 2 Cameron Diaz look-alikes in Alabama, Alaska, Conneticut, Georgia, Hawaii, Indiana, Iowa, Kansas, Kentucky, Maine, Maryland, Michigan, Minnesota, Mississippi, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, North Carolina, Ohio, Oklahoma, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Carolina, South Dakota, Vermont, West Virginia, and Washington DC, and not get your ass hauled to jail!
